TODAY IN OBVIOUS STATEMENTS: orgasms are pretty great, no matter how, when, and where they’re achieved, or with whom. But why is it that some just feel particularly intense? And are there known ways to make your orgasms even better? It turns out there are, according to experts.
“The intensity of a male orgasm can be amplified by many factors,” says Dr. James Elist, M.D., a board-certified urologist who specialises in male sexual dysfunction and founder of Penuma. “In general, these factors include lower stress levels, heightened sexual arousal, and optimal overall health. Mental stimulation (mood, attraction, erotic thoughts) and physical fitness (cardiovascular health, muscular strength, endurance) also influence the intensity of male orgasms.”
Some orgasms are better than others due to situational factors, says Elist – like your sense of comfort and emotional safety with your partner, or even the environment in which sex is taking place.
And don’t discount the power of novelty, either. Ahmaad Johnson, a board-certified family nurse practitioner at FOLX Health, notes that when you keep resorting to the same sexual routines – both with and without a partner – your orgasms can start to feel the same as well.
“Orgasms that are the most memorable are often the ones that disrupt that sameness – that break the patterns we’ve developed over time or that come attached to new experiences.”
How men can improve their orgasms
Looking to take your orgasms from mediocre to mind-blowing? We talked to sex experts and evaluated the latest research to recommend the best ways to strengthen the male orgasm. Here are simple strategies to try, whether you’re masturbating or getting down with a partner.
1) Touch your taint
If you haven’t already been introduced, meet your taint – or your perineum, if we’re getting technical. It’s the strip of skin between your balls and your butt, and it’s one of many highly erogenous zones that responds well to sexual stimulation. “This area is packed with nerve-endings, so it feels really sensitive,” says Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., coauthor of Secrets of Sexual Ecstasy.
Some guys say that by applying pressure to this area, they’re able to have multiple orgasms `– which is probably because you can stimulate your prostate gland externally via your perineum. During intercourse or oral sex, ask your partner to place a finger here and press onto it until the pressure feels just right.
2) Massage your P-spot (a.k.a. the prostate)
Speaking of the prostate, it turns out this gland is the male equivalent to the G-spot. You can stimulate it externally by applying pressure to your perineum, but if you’re interested in maximising pleasure, you’ll have to do a little anal probing.
If you’re playing with a partner, have them lube up the soft pad of a finger and stick it about 2 inches inside your butt. Once they feel the small, walnut-sized lump, they can apply some pressure and light thrusting. If you want to explore anal play solo, a prostate massager or vibrating butt plug can help you out.
One option for a mind-blowing orgasmic experience is to combine prostate and penile stimulation. Another option is to focus entirely on the prostate and have a P-spot orgasm, which many people describe as a deeper, fuller-body sensation.
“The penis is like the high scorer that keeps the morale up, and then you bring in the prostate and you’re like, ‘Holy shit! I didn’t know the prostate could assist!’” Play says. “Then you realise the prostate can do it by itself.”
3) Shorten your refractory period
Mentally, you may want to go for another round after achieving a great orgasm, but most guys physically can’t get another erection immediately following sex. “A refractory period is the time after a man ejaculates when he is no longer able to have an erection,” Emily Morse, sexologist and host of the Sex With Emily podcast, previously told Men’s Health.
This period is different for every guy and can last anywhere from minutes to a full day. However, there are ways to shorten this phase, she explains. The best way to decrease refractory time is by increasing arousal. “This could be doing something different, like trying out a toy or talking dirty (or dirtier than usual). Even small changes can be just the novelty and excitement needed to rev up the engines for round two.”
4) Try for multiple orgasms (penile and prostate)
Thanks to that pesky refractory period, it’s tough to have more than one ejaculatory orgasm in a row. But with enough practice, you might be able to have non-ejaculatory multiple orgasms, also known as NEMOs.
The key is squeezing your pubococcygeal muscle (it should feel like stopping a pee midstream) right at the brink of climax, until you learn to separate the feeling of orgasm from the experience of ejaculation. Deep breathing can also help you lean into those feel-good sensations without blowing your load.
“You can’t expect for each small orgasm to feel like your usual orgasms,” Jonathan Stegall, M.D., founder and president of the Center for Advanced Medicine in Atlanta, previously told Men’s Health. “They’ll be less in intensity, but for some men, having several small orgasms is actually preferable to having one big one.”
If you ask Play, the easiest way to cum multiple times is to throw some prostate orgasms into the mix, since the recovery time is shorter.
5) Do kegels
“You know how women do kegel exercises and say it strengthens their vaginal orgasm? Men can do the same,” says Alex Robboy, a sex therapist in Philadelphia.
Essentially, kegel exercises are a way of contracting the muscles of the pelvic floor, which give you greater control and intensity during sex. Try lifting your penis up and down with your muscles, or even try to “write the alphabet with the tip of your penis,” suggests Robboy.
6) Use a sex toy
We’re used to sex toys being marketed toward women and people with a vulva, but there are plenty of toys out there to help penis owners get off, too. You’ve probably heard of the Fleshlight, a popular male masturbator, but did you know there are also vibrators designed specifically for the penis? Cock rings, butt plugs, and prostate massagers can also bring new sensations into your sexual experience.
“For people with penises, vibrating toys can add extra stimulation to the glans, the frenulum, the perineum, or can be used in the butt,” says Johnson. “For trans men and masculine-leaning nonbinary folks, these same vibrating toys can be used externally on their bottom parts.”
While anal play may not be for everyone, you may find that having a sex toy in or around this area during orgasm can kick your pleasure up a notch, Johnson says.
7) Eat an orgasm-friendly diet
Getting in shape will help every facet of your sex life, and part of getting in shape is eating better.
“Genitals that work well are usually attached to bodies that are working well,” explains Johnson. “What makes for better orgasms are the same thing that makes for better health generally.”
Start with greens. Spinach helps dilate blood vessels, which can increase blood flow to the genitals. Other greens like kale, cabbage, and bok choy are good sources of folate, which helps reproductive health.
Next, make sure you’re eating eggs. They’re rich in B vitamins, which ease stress and are important for a healthy libido, which means better orgasms.
“Eating healthy fats is important for the neurological function necessary for sexual response,” adds Suzannah Weiss, a certified sex educator and resident sexologist for FrolicMe. “Foods like avocado, olive oil, and coconut oil help to leave you satiated so you have the energy to be present and enjoy a sexual experience.”
You might want to consider starting your day with some oatmeal, too. Oats and whole grains are one of the few natural ways to boost testosterone in your bloodstream. More testosterone equals stronger orgasms.
Finally, don’t forget to stay hydrated, says Johnson. Drinking plenty of water promotes blood flow to the penis, while also ensuring you have enough energy to last in bed.
As for what to avoid in your diet – Elist suggests limiting processed foods, added sugar, alcohol, sodium, and caffeine.
8) Try edging
Delayed gratification can be hard to master, but when it comes to your orgasm, it’s well worth it. A study in the Journal of Sex Research advocated “edging,” or the practice of purposefully delaying orgasm for a more intense climax. The study showed that if people paused when they were about 90 percent of the way to climax, and then resumed after slowing down a bit, their eventual orgasm was way more powerful.
“Physically, an orgasm may be more satisfying if there has been a long buildup—it’s so gratifying to finally get that release,” Weiss explains.
It’s an easy way to amp up your game: Bring yourself to the “edge” of your orgasm, slow down, and take a pause. Weiss recommends taking a deep breath here before resuming sexual activity. Try to do this two or three times before letting yourself finish. You can experiment with edging while masturbating before testing it out with a partner, Elist says.
“One of the best aspects of edging is that it can force one to become more connected to their own pleasure, to their own body, and to the signals that their bodies make,” Johnson says.
9) Boost your testosterone
The hormone that helps you orgasm is the same one that your body produces when you root for your favourite sports team, lift weights at the gym, or watch Game of Thrones.
Research from Athens’ Military Hospital in Greece found that when you have more T in your bloodstream, you’re more likely to orgasm – and do it big.
“Testosterone can increase sexual desire in all people, but just having a higher testosterone level in and of itself is not going to improve orgasms,” explains Johnson. “That said, for people that use their penis for sexual pleasure, having an adequate testosterone level helps to improve the function of the penis.”
Before your next romp, try some testosterone-boosting activities like going for a run. According to Lisa Lawless, Ph.D., a sexual health expert and founder of Holistic Wisdom, regular cardio exercise can improve blood flow and endurance – leading to more satisfying sex. Studies have also shown that cardio activities like biking, jogging, and swimming can boost your sex drive.
According to Elist, some other things you can do to support testosterone production include getting enough sleep, finding ways to minimise or stress, and ditching the vape.
10) Stroke your sack
Just before you ejaculate, your testicles rise up near your body to give more power to your ejaculation. “If you press gently upward on the testicles just before ejaculation, it’s likely to be very arousing,” Goldman says.
Ask your partner to place the palm of their hand upward on your balls, moving them a little closer to your body. It’ll heighten your arousal and increase the intensity of your orgasm.
11) Focus on the physical
Sometimes during sex, you’ll get lost in your head – thinking about how hot your partner is, pondering the best porn you’ve ever watched, or even thinking about what’s for dinner. For a better orgasm, return to your body.
Think about it like this: If you’re running, you’ll get a completely different workout if you’re letting your mind wander than if you’re completely concentrating on your form. “Focus on the physical sensation,” says Robboy, and you’ll feel your body responding differently.
12) Just breathe
“This comes from tantric sex, where you’re supposed to move the stroke with your breath,” says Goldman.
Zero in on your breath, and try to slow it down until it’s in tune with your thrusts. When you’re just about to come, you’ll notice your heart rate and breathing naturally start to speed up – but keeping it slower will improve the amount of oxygen and blood flow that reaches your genitals, making your climax even stronger.
13) Lower your blood pressure
First, you should maintain low blood pressure for the sake of your overall health. However, keeping your blood pressure low can also help with your sex life.
“Orgasms rely on the flow of blood to the genitals, and high blood pressure can compromise your circulation – so, lowering blood pressure could improve your orgasms as well as your erections,” explains Weiss.
Plus, high blood pressure is linked to problems with ejaculation and reduced sexual desire, according to the Mayo Clinic.
Here’s a fun fact, actually: According to Johnson, the main active ingredients of erectile dysfunction medications Cialis and Viagra – tadalafil and sildenafil – work by lowering blood pressure.
According to Elist, regular exercise, maintaining a healthy and balanced diet, and stress management can all help lower blood pressure.
14) Aim for a slow build-up
Climaxing is a marathon, not a race, says Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibes staff sexologist. Even if you’re not into edging, taking your time throughout the experience will allow you to stay more present while also potentially resulting in a more intense orgasm.
“Many men are conditioned to go fast – whether stroking or thrusting – when seeking orgasm,” she explains. “But slowing down adds the ability to focus on your body and its senses and recalibrates how build-up can feel. And if you’re not giving yourself the fast and furious experience, you’ll find that you might even last longer – sometimes way longer – than you’re used to.”
15) Let your mind roam
According to Queen, indulging in your wildest fantasies during sex can help you finish strong for several reasons. One, this allows you to explore some of those hot, secret desires that you may not be ready to try in real life. Two, fantasising can keep your mind busy so you avoid the anxious or distracting thoughts that tend to make it impossible for you to come. And three, fantasies can introduce an element of novelty – which is helpful when you’re in a sexual rut.
“The brain is the body’s most important sexual organ, so one of the best
ways to increase the intensity of your orgasm is to increase arousal – for example, by fantasising and living out your fantasies,” says Johnson. “While I think a component of sex that’s important is being present and feeling the sensations in your body, I don’t think fantasising is incongruent with this—being present in the sexual experience and fantasising aren’t mutually exclusive, but mutually beneficial.”
In a relationship? Elist recommends including your partner in to those dirty scenarios you’re conjuring up in your head. A 2018 study found that fantasising about sex with a significant other can benefit your relationship and increase your sexual desire for them.
16) Use lube
Research conducted by Indiana University’s Center for Sexual Health showed that using lube makes it 50% easier for both men and women to orgasm. And it makes sense, too: according to Elist, lube reduces discomfort from friction so you can focus solely on your pleasure.
By the way – this doesn’t just apply to penetrative sex. Experts agree that lubing up can take any solo pleasure sesh up a notch.
“Just remember to always choose a lube compatible with your condom or sex toy,” Elist adds.
17) Wait longer between sessions
Shortening the refractory period can work for some guys – but not all, Queen says. If you’re down to try waiting longer periods between sex and masturbation, the payoff can be pretty incredible. This is for two reasons.
You know how that first bite of juicy steak tastes when you haven’t had one in a while? That’s because the sensations feel less familiar when you’ve taken a break from something – and the same is true for sex.
“Waiting longer between sex sessions can create a buildup of sexual tension, leading to potentially more intense orgasms,” explains Elist.
Not only that, but Johnson says this strategy gives your body more time to make and replenish ejaculate, which then translates to stronger orgasms.
Keep in mind, though, that waiting too long can decrease sexual desire, increase the chances of premature ejaculation, and reduce the intensity of erections, according to Elist.
“How long a person should wait between orgasms definitely depends,” says Johnson. “For younger people, this period will likely be shorter.”
18) Introduce some nipple play
“Male nipples have loads of nerve endings, but unfortunately, they are often overlooked due to social stigma,” says Cain Joyland, clinical sexologist and founder of Romantic Discovery.
In fact, a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that nipple stimulation is arousing for 52% of men – yet only 17% of men have had their nipples played with during sex. Clearly, there’s a massive missed opportunity here for more mind-blowing orgasms.
Queen notes that when you incorporate other erogenous zones – like the nipples – you add a separate nerve pathway to your sexual stimulation. “The upshot, called a blended orgasm, can be extra-strong because more nerve endings participated in its creation,” she explains.
Not sure where to start? Joyland suggests asking your partner to lube up their fingers and then caress or pinch your nipples during a blow-job for an extra explosive combination of sensations.
19) Try sensory deprivation
Sex is a feast for the senses – but what happens when you take some of that away? According to Joyland, this approach, known as sensory deprivation, unlocks the potential for an even more earth-shattering climax.
Sensory deprivation can be as simple as using a blindfold, turning off the lights, putting on some headphones, or wearing earplugs. When you limit some of your senses, it tends to turn up the volume on the others – like touch. In other words, when you can’t see or hear anything, you’ll feel everything even more, Weiss says.
According to Johnson, sensory deprivation can also help you to be more present in your body, and make it easier to get carried away in those titillating fantasies.
“However, sensory deprivation should be entered into with caution, as longer play can sometimes lead to anxiety, distress, and hallucinations,” Johnson cautions. “Sensory deprivation also involves vulnerability and consent and it is important to use it with caution, alongside a full discussion of limits, boundaries, and safe words.”
20) Mix up your routine
A research review in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that as we get “used to” certain sexual stimuli, we don’t get aroused in the same way—but new experiences can increase sexual desire and satisfaction. Not only that, but a 2015 study in Evolutionary Psychological Science found a link between the novelty of experiences and the quality of orgasms in men.
That’s why Ooha Susmita, M.D., a sexual wellness expert with Allo Healthcare, recommends continually shaking things up in your sex life – whether that means trying role play, dirty talk, or BDSM with your partner, or using new and different kinds of erotic material when rubbing one out.
“Experiment with different grips to find what feels best for you while masturbating,” she says. “Then try different speeds and strokes to find what feels most pleasurable.”
21) Experiment with temperature
Playing around with temperature is another way to shake things up during sex, and create new and exciting sensations that lead to explosive orgasms.
Amber Shine, a certified sex educator and manager at XFansHub.com, says alternating hot and cold—for example, by using ice on your nipples followed by a warming lube – can create an intense contrast that pushes you over the edge. Lawless also suggests using massage candles —but of course, always exercise caution with wax play.
“Know that some sexual parts are more sensitive to these extreme changes in hot and cold than others,” Johnson adds. “Temperature play could be as simple as taking a warm bath. or putting your (metallic or glass) sex toy in cold or warm water.”
22) Focus on the frenulum
Quick anatomy lesson: The frenulum is a small V-shaped band of tissue located on the underside of the penis, which connects the head to the shaft. While it may be small, Susmita says the frenulum is immensely sensitive—and sexually responsive. Since there are a ton of nerve endings in such a small area, stimulating it can lead to some pretty memorable orgasms.
“The frenulum is a kind of pleasure center for the penis, alongside its neighbor, the glans,” explains Johnson. “It is most responsive to light touch and play, and to vibrations—and the mouth can also be used to stimulate this area.
As for how to achieve a frenulum orgasm, you can ask your partner to gently flick their tongue or rub their lips across the area. You can also do the job yourself—using your fingers to stroke the frenulum up and down, sideways, or in a circular motion.
Something to keep in mind: According to Johnson, reaching orgasm through frenulum stimulation may take more time than through more traditional thrusting or base-to-head stroking, but your patience can come with a massive payoff: deeper, more powerful orgasms.
This article originally appeared on Men’s Health UK.
