IN MOVIES AND on TV, sociopaths are commonly depicted as mega-villains who act outrageously cruel and are manipulative. In real life, however, sociopaths may be a little harder to identify.
“Sociopaths in real life often look charming and can be quite liked as a manipulation tactic,” explains Erin Rayburn, L.M.F.T, founder of Evergreen Therapy in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Not all symptoms are obvious, she says. When you meet a true sociopath, you’ll quickly realise that things don’t quite add up. They’ll seem charismatic and charming on one hand, but deep down, they’re actually actually deceptive, exploitative, and aggressive.
That’s why it’s crucial to know the signs of a sociopath. You might encounter these people at work, on dating apps, or within your own family.
“A sociopath is an individual who enjoys taking risks for personal thrill or gain, disregards societal rules or the feelings of other people, and lacks remorse for their harmful actions,” says Vanessa Kennedy, Ph.D., director of psychology at Driftwood Recovery.
They may draw you in, at first, but “they lack genuine loyalty to others due to a deep-seated need for survival often rooted in a traumatic upbringing,” she says.
Although people toss around the term sociopath, individuals who exude these behaviors actually might have antisocial personality disorder, says Pavel Blagov, Ph.D., professor of psychology at Whitman College. Antisocial personality disorder is a mental health condition where someone continuously manipulates, exploits, or violates the rights of others without remorse, according to MedlinePlus.
It’s estimated that up to 3.6 per cent of the population has ASPD, according to the American Psychiatric Association.
“In the scheme of the population, this means it’s likely you have interacted with or been in a relationship with someone with ASPD or ASPD traits at some point in your life,” Rayburn says.
What exactly is a sociopath?
Antisocial personality disorder is sometimes referred to as sociopathy.
To be diagnosed with ASPD, Kennedy says someone must show evidence of a conduct disorder before age 15 and express symptoms like aggression, cruelty to people or animals, lying, property destruction, or violating rules or the law.
Antisocial personality disorder can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional, she says.
No one knows what causes the disorder, but experts theorize that genetics or factors like child abuse may contribute. People that we consider “sociopaths” and are diagnosed with ASPD must have a long-standing history of aggression or rule-breaking, meaning this behaviour doesn’t just come out of nowhere, says Jeffrey Cohen, PsyD, assistant professor of medical psychology at Columbia University.
Still, people can display antisocial – or sociopathic – behaviours without necessarily meeting the criteria of a personality disorder.
“Human beings are complex and can fall somewhere on a spectrum of sociopathic behaviour, at times manipulating others for personal gain, demonstrating aggression, or lying, but perhaps only doing these behaviours in a specific context or certain relationships,” Kennedy explains. For instance, an executive might lie, manipulate, or behave aggressively to land a high-stakes deal, but at home is a loyal, responsible partner and parent.
Signs you’re dealing with a sociopath
People might lie, deceive, or act deceptively, aggressively, or irresponsibly at times, Rayburn says. But to truly be considered ASPD, these behaviours are ongoing, consistent, and damaging enough to have an impact on their lives and those around them. Here are some signs to look for:
Egocentrism
Everyone is a bit egocentric, but people with the disorder take it to another level. “They look out for their own needs first, [and] that would come before the needs of family or children or friends,” says Blagov.
The individuals are selfish and self-serving and use subtle or frank manipulation to get their way, says Alex Dimitriu, M.D., a double-board certified physician in psychiatry and sleep medicine and founder of Menlo Park Psychiatry & Sleep Medicine. “They’re antisocial because they don’t care about society or others, they care about themselves only. While most of us have been selfish at some point in our lives, in antisocial personality disorder, this is the rule, not the exception.”
Callousness
Most people fall along an “anxiety spectrum,” Dr. Dimitriu says, where some care too much and may have anxiety. People with ASPD care too little, but there’s an added element of disregarding the impact of their behaviors on others.
The callousness of this behavior can range from being verbally mean to physically violent, says Blagov. Not all people exhibit callous behavior in the same way, however.
Manipulation
These types often lie and use people –sometimes to get out of trouble, Blagov explains. “This is a self-protective type of lying and manipulation.”
Other times, they manipulate because they enjoy having power over another person, he says.
Lack of empathy
People with ASPD don’t feel empathy for other people, Cohen says. Understandably, this makes it difficult to maintain relationships or friendships so many sociopaths tend to be loners. They tend to view people as objects to be used for personal gain or to be avoided.
As a result, these individuals are prone to social isolation, depression, and health problems, Kennedy says. “They may burn bridges with others and have few avenues for genuine social support.”
Impulsivity
People with antisocial personality disorder tend to take risks without any forethought, Kennedy says, “They may make rash decisions that don’t take consequences into account and struggle with showing up consistently for others.”
The result: they get fired a lot, lack financial stability, and might engage in criminal activity.
People with the disorder are sensation seekers who are prone to boredom, Blagov adds. This may be one reason they’re more likely to participate in dangerous behaviors or to steal.
Fearlessness
Getting caught prevents most people from engaging in criminal activity like shoplifting, but those with antisocial personality disorder have weak fear and anxiety responses, says Blagov. “There isn’t a stopping mechanism.”
Disrespect for others
Another sign of antisocial behavior is a general disrespect for others, including their bodies, feelings, personal boundaries, and belongings, says Meghan Marcum, PsyD, chief psychologist at AMFM Healthcare. These individuals are also aggressive, deceptive, and not willing to accept responsibility for any mistakes, so abusive or bad relationships are common.
Easily angered
Anger and aggression are chief traits – along with hostility or even violence. “They often experience irritability and exhibit aggression or resort to intimidating or bullying behavior when someone sees through their facade,” Kennedy says. They might get angry easily and quickly if too many demands are placed on them in relationships, too.
Lacks remorse
Someone considered a sociopath may act aggressively, disrespectfully, or violently, but have no remorse or take any accountability for their actions. “Typically, a person can reflect on hurting someone they care about, feel guilt and empathy, and take at least some responsibility for their actions,” Kennedy says.
Not so with sociopaths. They’re more likely to show indifference toward someone else’s emotions and even blame them for being too weak or sensitive, she adds, “They may even show a sense of being justified in hurting someone else who they think deserved it.”
Lying
Persistent lying or deceit are classic characteristics of antisocial personality disorder, Kennedy says. Someone may lie to charm, outwit, or manipulate someone for personal gain or just because they enjoy it. They also might display personality traits like arrogance, a sense of superiority, or being opinionated, with the goal of deceiving or manipulating others.
What to do if you know a sociopath
Being in a relationship with someone with ASPD (or working or being friends with them) can catch you off guard, especially with how their behavior can change so drastically, Rayburn says.
“One moment, they may be charming and fun to be with, but then exhibit unpredictable and impulsive behavior, leaving a loved one confused and hurt,” she says.
Plus, it can be difficult to accept that someone is hurting you. And, you might get stuck in a cycle of manipulation, where you think you can “fix” or help them, but the person with sociopathy exploits that help, Rayburn adds.
“It’s important to recognize that when dealing with someone with ASPD, they often know your vulnerabilities and know how to work your vulnerabilities,” she says.
Regularly interacting with someone with ASPD can lead to confusion, depression, anxiety, and a loss of identity and self-esteem. Seeking mental health treatment can help you unpack your relationship dynamics and identify problems, as well as your own beliefs or behaviors that are keeping you in the relationship, Rayburn says.
“Be kind to yourself, take time and space to get back into your center of self, and be willing to examine your own thoughts and feelings around the relationship,” she emphasizes.
Can sociopaths be treated?
ASPD is difficult to diagnose and treat, Dr. Dimitriu says, “In milder cases, optimising mood, anxiety, and impulsivity with medication and therapy can reduce the likelihood of some of these behaviours.” This can also help people develop empathy in some instances.
The problem, though, is that people with the disorder usually don’t recognise their behaviours as problematic, Marcum says, “They tend to externalise and blame their environment (or the circumstances and people around them) for their problems.”
With treatment, they can gain insight and become more self-aware, but they must want to change, she emphasises.
People with antisocial personality traits typically enter treatment for reasons that will give them a direct benefit, Marcum says. For instance, someone who committed a crime may comply with court-ordered treatment simply to reduce their sentence.
“It’s less common for individuals with antisocial features to come to therapy to work on these symptoms,” she says. “Instead, they may come to work on depression or anxiety, and then within the context of the therapy, their antisocial symptoms are identified.”
Treatment is also difficult because people with antisocial behaviors sometimes view themselves as victims who don’t have a choice but to engage in destructive or exploitative behaviors to survive, Kennedy says. “Sometimes, antisocial individuals may become motivated to change their behavior to experience fewer consequences in their lives.”
This article originally appeared on Men’s Health US.
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