I want to spice things up in the bedroom. How can I encourage my partner to be open to trying new things?”

FIRST OFF, IT’S fantastic that you’re looking to bring some new excitement into your sex life. A desire to explore and grow together is a healthy sign in any relationship. Let’s dive into some ways to encourage your partner to be open to trying new things in the bedroom.

Start with open communication. Ask your partner “I would like to talk about having some more fun in the bedroom, when would be a good time?”. Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy sexual relationship. Begin by creating a safe, non-judgemental space for discussion. Choose a relaxed setting outside of the bedroom to talk about your desires.

Approach the conversation with curiosity and respect, asking your partner about their fantasies and interests. Remember to listen actively and affirm their feelings. “I can understand you would be excited/ nervous/ unsure about that activity”. This sets a positive tone and shows that you’re genuinely interested in mutual satisfaction.

Instead of springing all your ideas at once, introduce new activities gradually. You might start by sharing an article or a social media post on the subject, or even watching a movie together that hints at the activity you’re curious about. This can serve as a natural opener into discussing how it made you feel and whether it’s something you’d both like to explore.

When discussing new activities, focus on the positive aspects. Express how trying new things can enhance your intimacy and bring you closer together. Highlight the fun and excitement and pleasure rather than focusing solely on achieving the activity itself. Positivity and care can make the idea more appealing and less intimidating.

A “Yes, No, Maybe” list can be a fun and structured way to explore new activities. Each of you creates a list of activities under three categories: things you’re excited to try, things you’re unsure about, and things you’re not interested in. Compare lists to find common interests and discover new possibilities. This approach allows for clear communication and helps set boundaries comfortably.

Another one of the easiest ways to spice things up is through light sensory play. This can include using blindfolds, feathers, or ice cubes to enhance physical sensations. Sensory play is a gentle introduction to exploring new activities and can lead to discovering what types of touch and sensations you both enjoy.

Reading erotic literature or listening to erotic audio together can also be an exciting way to explore new ideas. It can ignite your imagination and provide inspiration for activities you might want to try. Plus, it’s a discreet way to introduce the idea of trying something new without any immediate pressure.

Remember that spicing things up doesn’t always have to be about sex itself. Activities like giving each other massages, taking a bath together, or exploring new toys can enhance your overall intimacy. Building a deeper emotional connection can make your partner more open to exploring new activities.

It’s crucial to always respect your partner’s boundaries. If they seem hesitant or uncomfortable with an idea, don’t push them. The goal is mutual enjoyment and consent. Instead, revisit the conversation later and explore why they might feel that way. Understanding their concerns can help you find a compromise or alternative that works for both of you.

If you find it challenging to navigate these conversations or if there’s a significant difference in desire levels, seeking guidance from a sex therapist can be beneficial. A professional can provide tailored advice and strategies to help you explore your sexual relationship in a healthy and fulfilling way.

Introducing new activities in the bedroom can be a rewarding experience that enhances your connection and intimacy. By communicating openly, introducing ideas gradually, and respecting each other’s boundaries, you can create a more exciting and satisfying sex life together. Remember, it’s all about mutual pleasure and discovery.

So have those conversations, explore new possibilities, and most importantly, enjoy the journey together.

For more great advice from Chantelle, visit @chantelle_otten_sexologist on Instagram or visit her website.

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My partner never orgasms during sex. I want to please them. How can I get them off too?”

Addressing concerns about a partner not reaching orgasm during sex can be complex, particularly for penis owners. It’s essential to approach this topic with empathy, patience, and a willingness to explore solutions together. Here’s how you can work towards ensuring both you and your partner find sexual encounters satisfying and fulfilling.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – open communication is the foundation of a healthy sexual relationship. Initiating an honest dialogue about desires, fantasies, and pleasure points can open up new ideas for intimacy. It’s vital for your partner to feel safe expressing their needs without fear of judgement or criticism. This exchange of thoughts can reveal insights into what both of you might be missing or what could enhance your sexual experiences.

Exploration plays a significant role in sexual satisfaction. Every person’s body is a map with its unique set of erogenous zones and pleasure points. Dedicate time to discover these through varied touches, pressures, and techniques. Remember, the goal is to enjoy the process of discovery, not just to reach an end.

Foreplay is also an interesting word to me because it’s like ‘the play before the act’. I think foreplay is the main act and should never be overlooked. Foreplay is much more than just a warm-up; it’s a vital part of the sexual experience that sets the stage for intimacy and can make orgasms more accessible. It starts right after your last sexual encounter, weaving through your day with flirtatious gestures, affectionate touches, and suggestive chats, extending the excitement beyond the bedroom.

This ongoing intimacy isn’t just about building physical arousal; it fosters a deeper, emotional bond between partners. Engaging in extended kissing, touching, and caressing, coupled with flirty or thoughtful texts shared throughout the day, not only primes the body for sexual activity but also enhances the emotional connection, paving the way for a satisfying sexual experience for both partners. Embracing both immediate and extended forms of foreplay, elevates sexual pleasure, making the build-up to your next sexual encounter as important as the act itself.

For many with vulvas, clitoral stimulation is essential for reaching orgasm. Incorporating techniques that focus on this area – be it through manual stimulation, oral sex, or the use of sex toys designed for clitoral pleasure – can significantly alter the sexual experience, making it more satisfying and enjoyable. And it also takes about 20-25 mins for a vulva owner to climax with a partner, so take your time! Have fun and build the arousal. Incorporate mouth, fingers and toys.

Experimentation with different techniques that involve clitoral play can also be beneficial. Certain positions may offer deeper penetration, better clitoral stimulation, or simply more comfort, enhancing the overall sexual encounter. It’s about finding what works best for you and your partner and leveraging those positions for maximum pleasure.

Focusing on pleasure rather than performance is another critical aspect. By shifting the goal from reaching orgasm to enjoying the intimacy and connection of the moment, you alleviate performance pressure. This approach allows both partners to take pleasure in the shared experience, making sex more enjoyable and less goal-oriented.

Mutual masturbation, e.g. you and your partner showing each other how you like to be touched, provides a unique opportunity to deepen your understanding of each other’s bodies and desires. It’s an intimate act that can be both arousing and educational, offering insights into how your partner likes to be touched and what turns them on.

Introducing fantasy and role play can bring an exciting dimension to your sexual relationship. Exploring each other’s fantasies not only enhances understanding but also adds a layer of novelty and excitement to your encounters, potentially making them more fulfilling.

If challenges are still happening after trying some different strategies, seeking professional help from a sex therapist or healthcare professional might be necessary. They can provide tailored advice and strategies, offering a pathway to overcome obstacles and improve your sexual relationship.

Ultimately, achieving sexual satisfaction is a journey shared between partners, requiring open communication, mutual respect, and an adventurous spirit to explore and understand each other’s desires fully.

Here are a couple of practical tips you can try to enhance the exploration of pleasure and intimacy with your partner:

1 Introduce a ‘pleasure pause’ into your intimate encounters. This involves taking intentional breaks during sex to communicate and touch each other in non-genital-focused ways. It can help build anticipation, allow for a check-in on desires and comfort, and refocus on the connection rather than the orgasm.

2 Try incorporating a ‘sensation exploration’ evening where the focus is solely on exploring and describing sensations without the goal of orgasm. Use different textures, temperatures (ice or warm cloths), and pressures to discover what each of you enjoys. This can open up new pathways to pleasure that you might not have considered before.

Lastly, patience and perseverance are key. Exploring sexual satisfaction is a process that involves trial and error, vulnerability, and ongoing dialogue. Celebrate the successes, learn from the experiences that don’t go as planned, and continue to support each other in your journey towards a fulfilling sexual relationship.

Remember, the ultimate goal is not just about achieving orgasm but about building a deeper, more satisfying connection with your partner. Through open communication, exploration, and mutual support, you can navigate this challenge together and discover new dimensions of pleasure and intimacy in your relationship.

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sometimes I don’t last as long as I’d like in bed. What’s your advice for improving my stamina?”

IMPROVING STAMINA IN the bedroom is a common goal for many penis owners, so you’re definitely not alone in this. Let’s break it down and dive into some tips to help you go the distance.

First up, let’s talk about cock rings. These little devices can be a game-changer when it comes to stamina. How do they work? By constricting blood flow out of the penis, they can help maintain a stronger and longer-lasting erection. Plus, they can enhance sensitivity, leading to more intense orgasms. Experimenting with different types and sizes can help you find what works best for you. Just remember to use them safely and not leave them on for too long to avoid any unwanted side effects.

Next, let’s tackle the art of edging. This technique involves bringing yourself, or your partner, close to the brink of orgasm, then backing off before reaching the point of no return. By doing this repeatedly, you can train your body to delay ejaculation and build up your stamina over time. It’s like a workout for your sexual stamina muscles. Plus, it can add a whole new level of anticipation and pleasure to your sex life.

Exploring sexual techniques further, the ‘stop-start method’ offers a hands-on way to boost stamina. It’s pretty straightforward: get stimulated up to the point where you’re just about to climax, then hit the pause button on all the action to let that excitement cool down. After cooling down for a bit, you’re back at it. Doing this a few times while you’re getting busy helps teach your body to hold off on ejaculation, slowly but surely increasing your control and lengthening the time you can keep going.

Edging and the start-stop method are all about boosting your sexual staying power and getting a grip on when you climax. The difference is, with edging, you ride the wave right up to the edge before you dial down the excitement, keeping that buzz going longer. The start-stop technique? That’s hitting the pause button completely, letting things cool off before ramping up again.

In addition to these techniques, incorporating regular exercise into your routine can also make a big difference. Cardiovascular workouts, like running or swimming, can improve blood flow and overall endurance, which can translate to better performance in the bedroom.

Strength training exercises, like squats and deadlifts, can also help boost testosterone levels, which can enhance libido and stamina.

And let’s not forget about the power of communication. Talking openly with your partner about your desires, concerns, and what feels good can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experience for both of you. Plus, it can take some of the pressure off performance, allowing you to relax and enjoy the moment.

Lastly, don’t underestimate the importance of relaxation and stress management. Stress and anxiety can have a major impact on sexual performance, so finding healthy ways to unwind and de-stress, whether it’s through meditation, yoga, or just taking some time for yourself, can help improve your stamina in the bedroom.

Remember, it’s all about finding what works best for you and your partner, so don’t be afraid to experiment and have fun along the way.

For those looking for structured guidance, my Premature Ejaculation Course is tailored specifically to help penis owners improve their stamina through strategies, exercises, and advice. Check out more details here.

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I’ve always been curious about the idea of exploring different kinks, like spanking or voyeurism, but find it’s something I can’t talk about with my mates. Is it normal to be curious about this?”

Absolutely, it’s completely normal to be curious about exploring different kinks. In fact, curiosity about kinks is more common than you might think. It’s just that not everyone feels comfortable discussing it openly, especially with their friends.

First off, let’s talk about what we mean by “kinks.” Kinks are basically any sexual preferences or activities that fall outside of what’s considered mainstream or vanilla.

The range of kinks spans from mild to wild, encompassing a diverse spectrum of sexual preferences and activities. Mild kinks may include playful role-playing, light bondage, or sensual sensory play, offering a gentle introduction to exploring sexual desires. Moving along the spectrum, moderate kinks like spanking, exhibitionism, or foot fetishism delve deeper into alternative desires, adding elements of power dynamics or sensory stimulation. At the more extreme end, wild kinks such as BDSM, edgeplay, or water sports involve intense forms of power exchange, risk exploration, or unconventional practices that push the boundaries of conventional sexual expression. What defines mild or wild varies from person to person, but we need to emphasise the importance of open communication, mutual consent, and respect for individual boundaries when exploring the diverse world of kinks.

Now, why might you be curious about exploring kinks? Well, there are a bunch of reasons. Maybe you’ve stumbled across something online that made you curious, or perhaps you’ve had a fantasy or two that got you thinking about it. Maybe you’re just curious about pushing your sexual boundaries and trying something new. Whatever the reason, it’s all good and as long as you are maintaining safety and consent, then it’s something to be excited about!

But here’s the thing—talking about kinks can be a bit of a taboo topic, especially among friends. Society tends to have some pretty strict ideas about what’s “normal” when it comes to sex, and anything outside of that can be seen as a bit, well, out there. So it’s understandable that you might feel a bit hesitant to bring it up with your friends.

That’s where I come in. As a sex therapist, I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with being curious about kinks. In fact, exploring your sexual interests in a safe and consensual way can be a really positive thing. It can help you learn more about yourself, deepen your connection with your partner(s), and even spice up your sex life.

So how can you go about exploring your curiosity about kinks? Well, first off, it’s important to remember that communication is key. If you’re in a relationship, talking openly and honestly with your partner about your interests and fantasies can be a great way to start exploring together. And if you’re single, there are plenty of ways to safely explore kinks on your own or with a trusted partner.

Another thing to keep in mind is that it’s okay to take things slow. You don’t have to dive headfirst into the deep end of the kink pool if you’re not ready. Start by doing some research, maybe reading up on different kinks like BDSM, role-playing, or sensory play, or talking to people who are experienced in the scene. And when you do start experimenting, make sure to prioritise safety and consent above all else.

Now, I don’t think I need to mention this, but not everyone is into kinks, and that’s totally okay, too. We’re all different, and what works for one person might not work for another. The key is to stay true to yourself and your own desires, whatever they may be, but remember to ALWAYS respect others desires and always ask for consent. I don’t like hearing horror stories of people who have had kink practices explored on them without being told beforehand.

So to sum it all up, yes, it’s totally normal to be curious about exploring different kinks. And while it might not be the easiest topic to broach with your friends, know that there are plenty of people out there—including yours truly—who are more than happy to talk about it with you. So don’t be afraid to embrace your curiosity and start exploring—who knows what you might discover along the way!

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“I’m losing my hair and my confidence. I’m worried people won’t find me attractive anymore. I’ve heard about Finasteride. Should I try that?”

First off, you’re not alone in feeling this way. The connection between how we see our bodies and our overall feelings, including those about our sex lives, is incredibly strong. Studies consistently show that when men aren’t happy with things like body shape, muscularity, or even hair loss, it can deeply affect their self-esteem. This, in turn, influences how confident they feel in intimate settings.

Regarding hair loss, it’s a concern for many but also an opportunity to redefine what masculinity means to you. Society’s views on hair loss are evolving, with many now seeing it as a symbol of maturity and distinct appeal. Embracing this change can not only shift how you view yourself but also how others perceive your confidence and sexual allure.

Finasteride comes into play here as a potential solution for hair retention and is a medication that’s been proven to combat hair loss in men, particularly those dealing with male pattern baldness. Its primary mechanism is quite fascinating—it works by preventing the conversion of testosterone to dihydrotestosterone (DHT), a hormone responsible for hair follicle shrinkage, which ultimately leads to hair loss. By inhibiting this process, Finasteride can effectively slow down, and in some cases, reverse hair thinning.

On the pro side, Finasteride has a strong track record of promoting hair regrowth and preventing further hair loss. Many users report significant improvements, not just in their hairline, but also in their self-confidence and how they perceive themselves. This can, by extension, positively affect one’s social and sexual life, reinforcing a sense of attractiveness and self-worth.

However, it’s crucial to weigh these benefits against the potential downsides. Finasteride’s side effects can impact sexual health, including decreased libido, erectile dysfunction, and ejaculation disorders. Although these side effects are relatively uncommon and often reversible upon discontinuation of the medication, they are a significant concern for some guys. It’s essential to have an open and honest discussion with a healthcare provider about these potential risks to make an informed decision.

Navigating hair loss and its effects on body image and sexual confidence requires more than just treatment. It involves a holistic approach: exploring all options, finding support from communities or professionals, and focusing on overall wellness.

Remember, true attractiveness goes beyond physical appearance. It’s about confidence, authenticity, and embracing your uniqueness. Hair or no hair, your self-assurance is what truly enhances your appeal.

For those curious, I’ll delve deeper into Finasteride on my Instagram @chantelle_otten_sexologist.

INSTAGRAM I @jasonstatham

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