YOUR PARTNER IS having a go at you about the bins. You’ve come back at them about the lack of milk in the fridge that they said they were going to get. Faces are reddening, fuses are about to blow. A trivial argument is about to become a stage-five barney. But before you hit the point of no-return, you can walk back from the brink by just taking five seconds to cool off.
Just five? Yes, it turns out a mere five seconds is enough to defuse an argument, according to a study by researchers at the University of St Andrews.
In the study, published their findings in the journal Communications Psychology, 81 couples were goaded into conflict by engaging in a competitive game where they could blast an unpleasant noise at their partner at a volume of their choosing – yes this was a fun study. The couples participated in 30 rounds of the game, with breaks enforced at different intervals. Advanced AI and machine learning were used to analyse the couples’ emotional responses, which were captured by a 360-degree camera with onboard audio.
Just five seconds was found to be equally effective as longer breaks in defusing conflict, says Annah McCurry, a PhD candidate at the university’s school of psychology and neuroscience.
“It sounds obvious, but this is the first time anyone has experimentally demonstrated a reduction in aggression following enforced breaks,” says McCurry. “Forcing couples to have a five-second break was just as effective as a 10- or 15-second break, which shows even the briefest of pauses can help defuse an argument. This is a simple, free and effective hack to reduce negative emotions during arguments. It’s cheaper than couples therapy and can be easily integrated into everyday interactions.”
The researchers found that during minor conflicts couples tended to match each other’s level of aggression. But enforcing short time-outs broke the tit-for-tat pattern, reducing overall aggression.
While the intervention has the potential to save couples a fortune in counselling, it is intended for managing lower-level conflicts, preventing their escalation into serious rows.
“This approach does not apply to domestic violence scenarios,” McCurry cautioned. “This is about managing the mundane, everyday arguments that couples have and that can escalate.” Five, four . . .
Related:
How A Little Extra Gratitude Could Save Your Relationship
